Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dear Mom,

I don't understand why you even came up here. What was the purpose? You obviously did not come here to see me, because mot of the time that you've been here all you've done is pick at me, talk about my friends, etc. What was the point? I can be depressed without you here. I can feel like a fat ugly stupid pig without a life and without a soul without you here to hammer in the point. I can sit and watch movies without you here. I can feel alone without you here. I can feel like I don't matter without you here. I can fight back these tears without you here. I don't need you for any of that. I needed you for love. I needed you to remind me that I'm alive. I needed you to actually give a damn. So I guess what I'm saying is...I don't need you.

I want to walk out of this dorm, and never come back. I want to just walk away from this life, and keep on walking until I get tired. Then when I get tired I will rest somewhere. Somewhere far far away from all of this and never come back. Its not so much that I don't want to live, I just don't want to live this life anymore. I don't want to be me. I want to be someone else. I want to be somewhere else. There is obviously a reason that no one gives a damn. There is something wrong with me. I don't know how to fix it, so until then I will just continue to run away from it.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Come in all shapes
and forms
and sizes
but the effects
are all the same.
can not be cured by the addict
and the question
is not
how do I give you up
but how do I manage
to justify
the lie
I tell myself each time
I pretend
that I can?

Monday, February 01, 2010

I'm screaming out
and the echo
is drowned
or suffocated
by the sound
of the wrappers
of the teeth
of the splash
as the refuse
turns to ash
from the burns
in my throat
and I choke
on the words
and the call
is stuck
behind the smile
and the false
in my eyes
behind the tears
that I cry
each night
by the silence.